One Month???? REALLY????

So I can't believe it's been a whole month since I've posted last, but let me assure you that this past month has been a DOOZY!

The only reason I'm typing now is that I'm being held hostage at my school.....waiting on the chorus students to arrive so that we can do our annual Christmas concert.  I'm listening to the drone of the tv behind me.....the monotone white noise because I forgot to mute it.  Blug.  I hate white noise!

So....one more full week (actually, after the concert is over tonight, it will only be 2 1/2 more days!), left of school and crazy schedules.  I can't wait!  My students are ready to get out.  The teachers are ready to get out....I just say....let's get out early!  I still have to teach tomorrow, and Thursday, but Friday will be another concert opportunity for the students of our school.  We will perform the Christmas portion of our concert again on Friday, and sing along with the band on "We Wish You a Merry Christmas".  That will all be easy as chorus and band are traditionally known for "using up time" on the last days of school.  Once before Christmas and the other before Summer.  Yeah, us!  The only difference this year is that I've told the grade level leaders that since chorus and band are performing I think it would be a great idea for them to come up with a Christmas song to sing for the students as well!  Pretty smart, eh?

Well.....I guess that's enough for one time.  I'm actually really tired of typing!

My Grandmother Norma

Grandma Norma's incredible view

My precious Grandma Norma, (dad's mom) was born in Tarpon Springs, FL and has lived in either the house she started out in or lived in the house next to that for her entire life.  Her current house (the house she was raised in) is over 100 yrs old and still doing quite well. 

She is around 78 I think....seems older than that....but she's still kicking.

This summer my husband, daughter and I went down to visit her for a couple of days and I found out some very new information about her.  I didn't know that she was adopted.  I don't know if she ever found her birth mother or any other family members....she may not even be interested in knowing.  I know that her FATHER was a salesman.  He jumped from job to job, but seemed to be interested in selling lumber for construction purposes the most.  According to mom, he was a drunk, but I don't exactly know what consists as a drunk in her eyes.  Both her mom and dad believed that she shouldn't go to dances because they believed dances were of Satan.  They wouldn't allow her to play cards on Sunday because that was gambling, but they would play cards every night of the week.  This is about all I've gathered. 

My grandfather, Oscar, passed away when I was pretty little.....I'm assuming around 5 or so.  I was told that I was his light and joy.  They wanted to immediately come up and visit mom and dad when I was being born but my parents had convinced them to wait until they came home from the hospital so they could really help out at home and be able to hold me.  He was always holding me (as I've seen in pictures) and loved to play with me.  I wish I knew him better.  He was a boat builder....which is pretty funny cause our last name was Boatright.  People always want to put a 'w' in there...for Boatwright, how it was originally spelled at some point in history. 

What's funny is he hated to fish, hated to be out on the boat....it was boring to him.  But Grandma Norma LOVED being on the boat.  In fact, she was a commercial fisherman.  She would spend months at a time on the water with a neighbor friend (after Grandpa passed away), but they would come in for a time, wash clothes, fix and freeze more food, then go out for a long time again.  They mainly fished for grouper, a really ugly fish, but sometimes came in with some really interesting catches.  They've caught swordfish, sea turtles, sharks and all other manners of fish.  They would try and throw those odd ones back, but sometimes they were beyond saving.

Grandma also loved to be an artist on the side.  Always dabbling in oil paints of water, ships, crafts and wood working.  She's quite talented!  She still makes cute little Christmas crafts using sea shells, sand dollars and whatever else she can get her hands on.  She made me an elephant with seashells once....I still have that!

She still, to this day, will replace boards on her house, paint the house, you name it, she does it.  She's a tough old bird and she's smoked since she was a teen.  Go figure. 

Uncle Glenn and Mackenzie

My uncle Glenn, dads brother, lives with her now.  He has been in trouble with drinking.  Has been through 3 failed marriages, 2 of which were to the same woman.  His daughter is a "model" in Chicago and other areas.  The last picture I saw of her (on Facebook) was her in underwear and he's proud of her.  I don't know. 

About 10 years ago, my grandmother and I was sitting on her porch facing the bay and she told me that she always thought my parents, mom in particular, were always way to hard on me.  Wouldn't give me freedom.  She told them that several times also, but they felt they were right in their parenting skills.  I'll never forget that conversation, because it reinforced how I always felt about my childhood.  Now the question is, am I doing the same thing to Mackenzie?  I sure hope not!

I don't think my Grandma Norma will be with us too much longer.  She seems to think the same thing.  I'm glad we spent a couple of days with her so that she could see Mackenzie. 

She is definitely my favorite Grandma....all the neat boating stories, and all the life lessons she's learned amaze me to no end!

  

Mackenzie and Grandma Norma 

Uncle Glenn

The lights are on!

Out of 6,000 students who auditioned for the NC Honors Chorus only 160 made it.  Out of 160 students, two of my chorus students made it.

I am not bragging about this because it really is all about God using me how He sees fit.  It is a TON of work to get students ready for the audition, then if they make it, get them ready for their weekend in Winston-Salem....they learn 6 pieces alltogether and have 1 1/2 days to work together as an ensemble before their performance on Sunday morning.  That's where we are now.  It's 6:21 PM and they have been working with a couple of breaks since 9:30 AM.  Tomorrow morning they will work from 8:15-11:30 then have their performance at 1:30 PM. 

OK....all that out of the way, amidst all the hard work in preparations, my moment of glory is seeing my students come out of the first break with an understanding of how music really works, how music and emotions should run together fluidly, and how it really will make a difference in their lives.  One student, as he came out for the first break, he was absolutely BEAMING with excitement.  That is my favorite look!!

I can't wait for the performance tomorrow afternoon.....although I will hate when it's over because I always feel like it's back to the same-ole-same-ole choir that they've sung in for two years now.  But I'm always hopeful that the same excitement will filter into the rest of the group, that they can share with other students their incredible experience singing with the top voices in the state.

The lights are on....for now!

Christmas Already??

I just sat down at my puter after working for the past couple of hours on various Christmas decorations.  I now have my snow scene village on my table, Mackenzie's baby tree at the top of the stairs and thinking about getting the garland up on the staircase.  All that and I still haven't taken the Halloween flag down from the front porch!

I know a lot of you are probably thinking that I'm absolutely crazy....and I am, but you also have to realize that we have been working on the Christmas Cantata for our church chancel choir since early August, my children's choir has been working on the Christmas play for a couple of weeks now, my 6th, 7th, and 8th grade choirs have been practicing for their December 15th concert for a month and a half.  We've been saturated with planning, rehearsing and the likes.  We've even started watching our Christmas movies early so that we can even get in the mood to continue with all the rehearsals!

For the next 2 months, we will not have a weekend free to even think about decorating.  I like for my Chrismtas decs to be done before Thanksgiving cause I don't want to spend all of my time off trying to decorate the house.  That's not so crazy, is it?  Granted, we won't put the outside lights on until around Thanksgiving, but we have an ingenious way to hang those, so it won't take but 10 minutes!!

Even now, Mackenzie and I are snuggled up on the couch together watching "The Christmas Story". 

I love Christmas.  I hate all the long rehearsals, the concerts, the impromptu performances for various groups, but I love my family, I love God for sending His son, Jesus, so that He will give Himself as a sacrifice in order to save me.  This time of the year is the best!!

My Daughter....

My daughter, Mackenzie, just turned 5 last week.  My husband turns 36 tomorrow!

I'm so blessed to have the family that God gave me.

I look back 5 years ago and it's hard to believe that it's gone by so fast!  She was a complete surprise to both of us.  We were married 5 years, then we find out through order of elimination that we were expecting!!!  I was completely giddy, yet completely scared.  I had fears of screwing her up, not doing what I was supposed to do....and whatever else my feeble mind can conjur up!

Her very first day, she picked her head up off my shoulder and was looking around.  She was already wondering what was going on around her in this great big world.  She did hate the light, though.  It was just too bright for her little bright eyes. 

She screamed her head off for the first 3 months of her life.  Colic is a very strange thing.  Sometimes she would go the entire day screaming, but mostly she would wait until around 5 pm before she started screaming again....just about the time that daddy came home everyday. 

She never liked for us to leave her alone.  She was never interested in taking a nap until her little body just shut down on her and she was forced into an afternoon snooze. 

She loves music.  She used to sit at the piano before she was 1 and would play piano, turn the pages in music books and sing.  Even now, she's constantly singing something....a made-up song, or even a song from the radio.  She loves going to church because she gets to sing in the children's choir and sings along during our praise team rehearsals.

She's CONSTANTLY moving.  She will not/cannot sit still for any length of time!  Sometimes this quality drives us up the wall as she just makes us nervous!  She loves to make noise.....any kind of noise is fine with her.  Whether it's stomping around the house, yelling at Coco (the dog), doing her best impersonation of an opera singer, beating drumsticks on our exercise bike, or just laughing and playing with whatever little toy she has.  She really loves noise.

Some of my favorite sayings:

1. Calling her grandmama "franmama"
2. Saying something about being in "frouble" (trouble)
3. The other day she was talking to her daddy about the crickets chirping.  She said to him, "Those crickets aren't supposed to be making all that noise, they need to stop cricking".
4. Anytime she makes a sentence, she makes sure that she can use the word "Actually" in it...."actually, that is my chocolate milk," "Actually, my teeth are clean," "actually, I pooped in the potty today." 
5. When she prays at church..."Thank you God for my mom, my dad, Princess and Coco, my dog".  She used to say something very similar to that, but would add "Coco, my jumpy dog."
6. At home when she prays, she prays that mom and dad will feel safe.  I often wonder about that statement as if she knows something that we don't.....

Those are just a couple of things that I love about her.  I also love that she is a child of God, that she has a heart of gold for other people, that she has manners, that she loves MATH, and that she knows right from wrong. 

No matter how crappy a mother I can be at times, she will turn out ok with God's help!

My mom

Well, I've given you some insight on my dad and I and now it's time to focus on mom.

It really is a completely different story.  As far as I can remember, mom never really played with me.  Dad would always read me a bed time story, but I can't remember mom ever doing such.  I also remember dad would get up with me when I was sick.....like vomiting sick.  He would carry me to the bathroom and wash me down, clean my bed, redress it and lay me back down.  I don't ever remember my mom doing that.  Now it may be that she would get sick thinking about others get sick.  I know that's part of the reason because she would never be around dad when he was sick either.

I would always want someone to play with me.  I usually played by myself in my room.  I was a loner.  An only child. 

Some positive things that I learned from mom: 

I learned to cook.  Although, to this day, Jon usually cooks supper.  But I do have a thing for baking.  I love to bake desserts, or any other meal that is required to cook in the oven.  She taught me how to bake, cut up vegetables, be ahead of schedule when guests come for dinner, make everything look nice.  I loved having other people over.  I grew up way too soon, so I would stay at the dinner table and listen to all the grown-up conversations. 

I learned to be polite and have good table manners. 

I also learned that church is very important.  We never skipped church unless I was sick or all of us was sick.  It just didn't happen in our family. 

I learned to love music.  My dad played guitar, my mom played banjo and I played piano.  We also made a pretty decent trio of singers.  We would learn 5-6 songs, dad would sing bass, mom, soprano and I would learn the alto part.  We traveled to different churches to sing for their services.  Mom also volunteered once to work with a choir at a dying church.  That went on for quite some time.  She was also a part of a ladies quartet that would sing for other churches as well.

Mom and I have always butted heads, though, on a lot of different topics.  She would have one view and I would consistently go to the other view.  Sometimes just to butt heads with her and be defiant, but other times I truly had a reason. 

Mom was overprotective of me.  I was never allowed to go anywhere.  Even in high school.  My other friends would ask me to go to a football game with them and I was never permitted to go.  They soon stopped asking.  This led to a rebellious stage for me.  One of my friends' mother actually lied for me so that I could go to the movies with her daughter.  We made it a double-date.  If my mom had known that, she would have had a very large cow.  The other mom just felt bad for me.....I was a junior at the time!

When I was a junior in college, I emailed her to let her know of my upcoming junior qualifying recital.  I gave her one month advance notice.  Two days before my concert, she emailed me and told me that they weren't going to come to my first professional concert....that there was something going on at church that they weren't going to miss.  I mentioned that I was from Franklin....well, I was going to school at WCU, only 25 minutes away.  I was heart-broken that they didn't come.  My piano teacher was mad and was insisting that she called them to tell them how disappointed she was in them.  I didn't want her to do that, since that would only make the tensions worse at the time.

As I was planning to leave WCU and transfer to Valdosta State in GA, I had to go to a counselor to talk through my fears of telling my parents that I was leaving.  I was really stressed out during those days.  Once I did tell them, it went much better than I thought it would, but I lay all the facts down in front of them....including that I was serious in my relationship with Jon and that I needed to move to be closer to him.  That move proved to be much better for me than I ever expected it would!

As I was in GA for 1 1/2 years, anytime they would go to FL for a vacation or to see my grandmothers, they would NEVER tell me that they were passing through.  I literally lived 5 minutes off the interstate.  Again, I felt like I was not good enough for them....that they didn't miss me or that they didn't care to have any kind of relationship with me.

Once I moved to New Bern, after Jon and I were married, and I graduated from VSU, they never once came to visit.  It was only when I was expecting Mackenzie that they took any interest.  They didn't visit with me until I had her in the hospital.  Mom stayed one week with me after delivery and "helped" around the house.  Now, dad had jumped in right off the bat and helped with dishes and cleaning and stuff like that.  I think mom might have made one meal for us.  Jon was the one to come home after being at work all day and would fix supper for all of us.  That was the last time she had visited with us in New Bern. 

I still feel like the only reason she comes to visit is to see Mackenzie.  I can understand part of that, but if it weren't for Mackenzie, she would never come visit.  Even on my birthdays, I rarely feel like she's there for me.  She once got upset with me because we didn't come visit her in Franklin....we had been visiting with her since Mackenzie was born.  Anytime we got time off from school, we would travel to Granite Falls and then to Franklin making our holidays non-existant from all the road trips.  Not to mention the dangers of travelling with a baby in the backseat for 6+ hours on the road!  Oh....and if they DID come to visit, it would be on the strangest days/times.  We would finally have Mackenzie in her bed for an afternoon nap and they would "show up" at 2:00 pm when we were able to get some down time.  So they would knock on the door, and all Hell would break loose.  Mac would come running out of her room, no nap, and we were frazzled and annoyed.  No phone calls to warn us, or ask us if that was ok, nothing.  I finally told her about my feelings.  I'm very happy I made that decision.  She started calling from there on out....to make sure that it was ok for a visit.

Yep.....it's a very strange relationship now.  They are very odd to me.  They travel an hour and twenty minutes to go to a church in Asheville.  They have since bought three Harley Davidson motorcylces, which, if you knew my parents at all, it's a very hard concept to follow....them having bikes.  Mom didn't like riding behind dad, so they got her a bike as well.  It's just weird.

Weird is a perfect word to sum up our relationship!!

I've been inspired

Reading other friends blogs I have come to an understanding of what I should be writing about from here on out.....me. I know, I know, it seems like an obvious answer, but it's one of the hardest things anyone can ask me to do. I don't like talking about myself. Mainly, I think there are many more interesting people out there, but I also have a hard time opening up and just letting loose about myself.....just ask my husband.

So I guess I'm going to start over and tell you about my childhood and where I am today.

I'm 31 years old, although, if you ask me I will always lie and tell you that I'm 26. I was born in a very small town, Franklin, NC. My parents uprooted their lives from Tarpon Springs, FL and moved to the mountains because Tarpon was really getting busy, big, rampant with crime and they didn't want to start a family in that atmosphere.

My dad was the first father that was able to stay in the delivery room.....my parents insisted that he got to stay. So he did. No problems from that or anything, but I thought that was kinda neat.

My dad. He's everything I want to be. He was born with an eyelid problem. I'm not sure what the diagnosis was called, but he had droopy eyelids. They had to perform surgery when he was little because he couldn't open his eyes. There was too much skin that prevented him from opening his eyes. I also want to say that there weren't muscles in his eyelids either. Not sure. I do know that he got a lot of grief from many people as some people have to make fun of everyone for one reason or another.

Dad and I have always been pretty close. There have been a lot of times where we wanted to kill each other, but we can't stay mad at each other long. The last fight I remember having with him, I told him something....can't remember what, but he told me "go to Hell" and I said "maybe I will". We left that conversation that way. I regret whatever I said to him to cause him to lose his cool.

He's VERY laid back. He's serious when he needs to be, but there's always a calmness around him. Even animals come up to him; animals that NEVER come up to other people....just him. Mom told me once that he went hunting, he had to kill a deer and he cried for that animal. He never did it again. I always felt worse for him as he was the one to bury the family pets and he would always cry over them. I always appreciated that he cried. He showed his human side....showed that he cared.

Even now, when he comes to our house, he will sit on the couch and, Princess, the shy cat, will immediately come out of hiding and sit on his lap for a long while. I hope that Mackenzie sees how gentle her PawPaw is.

There are times when I look back at my life and I wonder how he feels about situations that have happened in my life and wonder how much he blames himself for those things. I know that for months he would cry himself to sleep. I just can't bring myself to blame him for anything that's happened.

He's worked for Radio Shack of Franklin for 28 years, or maybe longer. He's very dedicated even though they work him to the bone. He started as a tv repairman, back when the tvs had tubes in them. Then they had him in delivery and installation.....climbing on steep roofs in Highlands, carrying heavy tvs in, rewiring systems, installing car radios, GPS systems, you name it.

There are a couple of things that I will always laugh at when I think of him:
1. When I went to his work during teacher workdays or after school, he would have me come over to the tv that he was working on and ask me which wire was which color. He was color blind. What irony! I would always laugh and help him out as he soldered the correct wires back together again.
2. During one of Radio Shack's commercials, we watched as dad blew up a tv....that was something to behold as they introduced my father, the tv repairman, you see a very visual blow and smoke coming out of the tv.....they quickly moved to something else. No one else ever knew that.....he just told his family.
3. For my mom's birthday, he made her a chocolate cake. I don't think he cooked it long enough, or let it cool long enough, for when he assembled the 2 layers of the cake, it split in the middle and we had the "earthquake" cake with molten chocolate lava oozing off the cake, plate, counter...you get the picture, right?
4. His smile. He has a beautiful smile....and his eyes are still a little droopy. Almost looks like he's high....and he is, just without the drugs. :)
5. His love for God and others. There were many times when he would take me to neighbors or other communities and deliver taped sermon messages to shut-ins. Some people would scare the poop out of me....their lifestyle, houses, they would really help me appreciate the home that my parents built and kept for me.
6. He never complains. I certainly didn't get this quality from him. But his back would be killing him and he'd never say a word. He would have the flu, and never complain.

I know there are many more, but scared that I may be boring you to tears, so I will leave this alone for now. I guess my next blog will be about mom......a totally different story.

My Summer....

So here's some of my favorite memories from this summer that I'm going to have to hold on to until next summer....just to get me by!

1. Gatlinburg- just Jon and I .....we really needed it!
2. Visiting my Grandma in FL, then going to SeaWorld with Mackenzie
3. Camp- 2 glorious weeks of it!!
4. Having friends over for cookouts
5. Fixing our backyard so that it is almost a vacation spot

Now hopefully I can start back to school with a positive attitude, a servant's heart, and the ability and motivation to change!

15 1/2 days to go

Yep. Still on the countdown....and I hate to say it, but it's going to continue!

One question, though. Who's the idiot that came up with the idea of standardized testing? What kind of test is seriously and honestly going to test these kids on everything that they have learned the entire year?

How fair is that really?

The Countdown

24 days to go. I may be really really tired now, but there's the sense of anticipation as the school year draws to a close.

Is it the kid in me that can't wait for summer? Is it the adult in me that knows that I need to regroup and regain my sanity? Not sure which, but both are viable in my opinion!

I see kids starting to fret about EOG's and EOC's....kids really sinking into "Spring Fever" and looking outside more and more everyday. I see kids that get into more trouble as the year draws to a close....maybe to go home as they don't want to be at school, or some are in a funk because they don't want to go home. School is the safest place for them.

I see teachers, oddly enough, that are going through the same phases....maybe not getting into trouble, but certainly starting to look more outdoors, daydreaming about the things they will do (with whatever money the state is NOT taking away) and fretting about EOG's and what that will mean for their academic teaching careers.

All the year-end band and chorus concerts, the talent shows, the meaningless pep rallies, and other school-wide assemblies. Whew.

I need a summer to regain conciousness from thinking about all these things!

24 days to go!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

With Merlefest, that is. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to join the 8th graders at my school and chaperone them at this wonderful event.

As a pianist, I already feel like I'm blonde and not too grounded with other people since I'm so flighty, but at Merlefest, I feel like I'm one of the crowd!! That doesn't happen too often in my world.

I love hearing the music, watching people dance and walk around, watch kids playing football and frisbee while their parents are hard at work in the booths.....oh, but the music.

I've never considered myself as a bluegrass/folk music fan, but I was hooked as I listened to really cool bands using bluegrass/folk and mixing it with rap and other genres. It's really interesting to me to see music history in real time!

A "Neat-O" moment for me....

So today I took 98 7th and 8th grade students to see the high school students perform "Into the Woods".

It was a major stress at first since I had known about the musical and had been invited 2 weeks previous to come see it with my chorus students, but had only been approved to go by administration this past Wednesday. That left me with a serious time crunch as I needed to get field trip permission forms copied, sent out and back by Thursday if the students wanted to go. I also had to deal with the cafeteria, the other teachers, the administration, and find out who was going to be watching my 6th grade students while I was out.

Major stress aside, I woke up this morning having the first great night of sleep that I'd had in the past week, and was ready to go! So as I was gathering all the students and threatening them to make sure they behaved as civilized students, I quickly settled myself into a chair to watch the show.

Right off the bat, I started reminiscing as I saw previous students that I had come onto the stage and take the show away with their talent. I found myself thinking about how each student up there had played a part in my life. "Jack" was a nerdy little kid in class, very brilliant, very talented both vocally, and instrumentally. He used to get on my nerves because of his extreme wit. "Rapunzel"....wow....what a student. She was always so quiet. I always had a hard time hearing her voice ring out in a section. I heard her many times by herself, but often wondered why she never sang out in class....and to listen to all the glistening high notes that she was blaring out was incredible! "Little Red Riding Hood" was always concerning me in her middle school career....she had a severe thing for boys and I often found myself praying that she would keep smart about them. The "Spirit/Baker's Dad"...I had to write him up for horseplaying which ended up with him breaking his cousin's arm by accident....what a wild ride with THOSE parents! I didn't even recognize him with the costume on....but once it was off, it was him....a whole 3 feet taller and deep voice, (on pitch too!). "Cinderella", she was special to me as well. She had travelled to hear her best friend sing with the NC Honor's Chorus even though she didn't make the cut with her friend. I taught her piano....she played for me for one song in December. "Grandmother" was a very special student. I had to treat her very differently than most students in chorus. She had a knack for throwing mood swings as if she were switching her hair from one side to the other. I had many conversations with her mom that included the word, "attitude". She ran down the hall, as most of the others did as well, and threw her arms around my neck and told me that she loved me and missed me.....I think that surprised me most of all.

There are several others that are included in this group....but those were the ones that, as I look back on this day, will treasure seeing again for a long, long time.

These students that I was so hard on seem to have grown into beautiful and maturing, not alltogether mature, young adults. It seems that even though I was so hard on them, that they actually may have been affected by what I was trying to teach them the short time that I had them.

Today was a very good day!

So here goes....

So this is the first time I've ever done anything like this....but I hope I enjoy it and I hope others might enjoy it as well!

I've never been one to be quite so eloquent as others are, but I've been discovering a new me the past several months as I dig a little deeper into "who Shannon really is". I've been rediscovering things as well....like what I enjoy most. I've been thinking about what I want to do when I grow up, am I wanting to keep all the hats I'm wearing now in the future. Don't get me wrong, I love being a wife and a mother and I hope that I'm good at both....or at least trying to get better as I go. But the age-old question, "what if", follows me around. What if I decided to get my masters in Piano Accompanying. What if I could get over hurdles and not experience the pain of falling over them again and again.

Hmm...I know I'm not the only human on the face of this earth to think the "what if" questions. But those questions still plague me. My only hope is trusting in God and knowing that He still has me in the palm of His hand. Sometimes I feel like that hand slips ever so slightly and I feel like I'm teetering over the brink of some great chasm that will cover me up for all eternity....but deep down I still know that He has some great plan for me.

I guess that will do for now.